"New Babies"

I wasn't the only one that was pregnant at work.  There were 3 other girls pregnant and then Shawn's wife was pregnant with their second child.  Donna, Rhyan, and Shawn's wife, Morgann, were all pregnant with little girls while Emily was pregnant with one little boy.  Emily wasn't due until April, but Donna's little girl arrived around Christmas time and then Rhyan and Morgann had their little girls in the middle of January.  I was real excited to see them so when I was able to, I went to go visit those precious babies.

Being that they were girls made it so much easier.  I don't think that if they were boys that I would go visit them because the last baby boys that I held were mine.  I went to go visit Donna's little girl, Riley, at their house one day and then I went to go visit Morgann and Shawn's little girl, Emma, while they were in the hospital.  I was so happy for them.  Those girls were extremely sweet and I am very surprised that it was so easy for me to see new born babies after everything that happened.

Just like Jessica's gender reveal party, these moments were exciting for them...it wasn't about me.  If they wanted to ask me questions then I was happy to answer but I wasn't going to hold those babies and start to cry and make it all about me.  I held my composure and enjoyed every moment of holding a healthy and happy little baby.  When I was in the hospital with Shawn and Morgann, Emma needed a diaper changed and I asked if I could do it.  Something so minimal as changing a diaper made me so happy.  Emma started screaming and thrashing while I was doing it and I loved every moment of it.  She was screaming with an extremely wet diaper.  What parent wouldn't be happy about either one of those?  Of course, my view is a little different.  I am not sure that most parents would be as excited and realize the importance of a wet diaper and strong lungs.

I was jealous, of course.  Here they are with beautiful, healthy and strong babies and I am left with just memories.  But jealousy and happiness were my only emotions towards these parents.  These people are wonderful people and I would never want them to experience the pain that I felt.  I would give anything to hear my babies cry and scream and pee all over the place.  I knew that because of what Kevin and I went through, that we would be better parents for it.  I knew we wouldn't take the little things for granted.  I knew when our future children would have blow outs or be crying at all hours of the night, that we wouldn't trade it for anything in the entire world.

The week after I visited Riley and Emma, I went to Rhyan's house to visit her brand new baby, Reese.  Another beautiful baby girl to hold, to love and to watch grow.  The Westar (name of the place where I work) Family was growing.  Rhyan has a little boy as well and she was telling me that when he says his prayers at night, that he always mentions Colin and Nathan.  That was so touching to hear.  I know Colin and Nathan were soaking up all the prayers that came their way.

I embraced the brand new bundles of joy but was not yet ready to meet a brand new baby boy.  We had some time before I knew of any new boys that were going to enter the world so hopefully time will help get me stronger so I will be ready to embrace the little baby boys just as much as I did these precious baby girls.