I am surprisingly very positive
during this pregnancy. I thought I would
be more nervous than I am but I am very calm and hopeful. I really thought that I would be thinking non-stop
whether or not my baby’s heart has stopped beating or not. But those thoughts don’t cross my mind, which
I am very surprised about.
Today was
our appointment with my OB. I thought we
were going to get a visual ultra sound but we just went in there to check the
heartbeat. The nurse that works at that
particular office does not have a very good bedside manor. I never once have seen her smile. Anyway, she started to use the Doppler to
find the baby’s heartbeat but it took her a while. After a minute, I started to panic. I could
feel my heart start beating faster and I kept looking over at Kevin with big
eyes. He just shook his head and mouthed
“its fine” to me. She used more gel and
she finally moved over to the right side of my tummy and finally caught
it. The sense of relief I felt was so
powerful. For a couple seconds, I was
scared we had no more baby.
I shouldn’t
have been as worried as I was. When I
was in L+D with Colin and Nathan, it would sometimes take 30 min to find a
heartbeat. I think this is why I don’t
want a heart monitor for home use.
Although it would help me breath easy sometimes, I think if I had
trouble finding it, it would just freak me out and put extra stress on me and
the baby. I think the best thing to do
is to stay positive that everything will stay just fine and enjoy this time of
being pregnant with him or her and give him/her the best home I can possible
provide.
Last Wednesday, July 2nd,
we had our genetic testing at the MFM department at Riverside. There was no way that we would terminate this
pregnancy if our child had down syndrome or some sort of disability. This test was to rule it out and to breathe a
little easier throughout the pregnancy if all the tests came back with good
news OR to prepare ourselves mentally for the potential of raising a child with
downs. We had to go through all those
decisions with the boys when they were still in utero. Kevin and I didn’t want to let our boys pass
in utero just because there was a chance they could have a severe disability
and we weren’t going to do it with this baby either. When I got the ablation with the boys, they
took some of their amniotic fluid and checked for downs and the trisomy 13 and
18 and the results came back negative as well.
I am not at any higher risk with downs or trisomy just because of what
happened with the boys. I am still young
and there is no family history so there is no reason the baby would have it
other than it being by chance. But with
everything with the boys being so “Rare”, I had to check to ease my mind.
When we got
into the room, Stephanie was our sonographer and she had scanned the boys a few
times so we knew her and she knew us.
She heard what had happened with Colin and Nathan and she apologized and
asked how we were doing. It was nice to
see a familiar face. When she began the
ultra sound, we got to see our baby move around. He/she was wiggling around a lot. Stephanie measured the back of the baby’s
neck and she said that everything looked great.
She then began to show us the baby’s foot and hand and I then said to
her, “Although we love to see that our baby has all their body parts, being
through what we have been through, we also like to hear that the fluid levels
are good and the blood flow looks perfect and that the heart is beating at a
great rate for their gestational age.” She said everything looks perfect all
around so far.
We then
started talking about Colin and Nathan, she asked what they weighed when they
were born so I got out my phone and started showing her pictures of them. I love showing pictures of our boys. Even though they aren’t physically here with
us anymore, they are a HUGE part of our lives that we will never forget and
have their memory live on until the day we die.
After showing her pictures, she said she was going to go get Dr. Matt so
he could confirm the positive findings.
Dr. Matt was the one that diagnosed the boys with TTTS and was with us
through the whole thing with them and following our updates from Columbus. When she left, I started to cry. I was both happy that everything looked
amazing with this baby and then sad because I was missing the boys and the last
time I was in this office was the day after Thanksgiving and we knew surgery
was probably going to happen. It was
such a sad and scary time, and just being in there kind of brought back those
memories. Kevin handed me a tissue and
then Dr. Matt walked in. He had a huge
smile on his face. He asked how I am
handling everything (while I’m sitting there crying). I laughed and said, “I have breakdowns every
now and then but….” Then Kevin jumped in and told him that I have been doing
very well considering.
Dr. Matt
then looked at the pictures and confirmed what Stephanie had said in that
everything looked great and he would bet that all the tests come back with good
news. We were very happy. Kevin and I need to keep hearing good
news. Dr. Matt convinced us to come back
there for the anatomy scan and a cervical length in August. I did not hesitate to agree with him. Their equipment is better and since that is
what they do all day everyday, I was not going to turn that option down. We talked a bit more then it was time to get
my blood drawn to finish the test out.
A few days
later, I got the official results back.
We are Less than 1 in 10,000 for Down syndrome and less than 1 in 7,000
for trisomy 13 and 18. One less thing to
worry about! We are ecstatic!
 |
| 10 Weeks along |
I will say
I am very pleased how everything is going so far. I know it is still very early and anything
can happen at anytime during the pregnancy, but I feel good about this one and
I know Colin and Nathan are watching over their little brother or sister and
keeping them safe. I will always have my
guard up but I am enjoying just loving this baby for who he/she is and this
baby deserves me to be hopeful and positive through this pregnancy. I am going through this pregnancy like I did
with the boys pregnancy….Don’t worry unless I need a reason to worry.
 |
| 12 Weeks along |
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