Tired. That has what
I have felt this past week. I have taken
“unplanned” naps almost every day. I
feel as though I am more tired this trimester than the first. But other than being tired, I have felt
pretty good. It is Friday July 25, 2014
and we are leaving for vacation tomorrow for a week.. Not that I had any real worry, but this past
Wednesday I went to my OB just to check the babies heart beat. I wanted to just make sure everything was
fine before we left for vacation and to ask some questions on what I can and
cannot do while traveling.
This vacation is going to be a very active vacation. With hiking up mountains and rafting down
rivers, it will definitely be good for me, but I need to make sure I don’t over
do it. With my cervical length issues
last time, I don’t want to risk anything just to have a fun vacation. I am much happier that I am pregnant and
don’t care that I won’t get to do everything that people have planned.
I have a bit of sad emotions this trip because this was the
first vacation we were going to take with Colin and Nathan. We have had the Utah part of this vacation
planned since before I was pregnant with the boys. I even asked my parents if we all could fly
out of the same airport so they could help us with the boys and our luggage. Tonight, I should be not only be packing for
myself, but for the boys as well and trying to figure out how many diapers to
pack for a 6 hour trip and how many outfits we might need. I should have had to figure out a way to rent
a crib in Park City or find a pack and play to borrow. It’s really not fair. I want to be running around hectic trying to
figure out all the details and how are we doing this and that. How do babies go through security? I so badly wanted this trip to be very chaotic
and learning for the first time how to travel with 2 infants.
Saturday July 26, 2014
I am siting in the airport with Kevin right now, waiting for
our flight. Very calm and peaceful and
it was pretty easy getting through security and what not. Still wishing our boys were here with us either
sleeping soundly or awake and laughing.
Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever will that happen with Colin and
Nathan. I was rushing around this
morning getting myself ready….but not our boys.
I said goodbye to them and told them I loved them and missed them and
wished they were coming with us. It’s just
a sucky situation to be in.
Wednesday July 30th, 2014
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| Lake Isabelle |
Our trip in Colorado is wrapping up this morning. I had a few hard moments throughout this
trip, not with my current pregnancy, but with the fact that Colin and Nathan
aren’t here. On Monday the 28th,
we went and hiked Lake Isabelle. Kevin,
Jeff and I had done that hike before and it was raining the entire time. This time, it was a nice hike in the
beginning and we made it all the way to the lake, which ended up being
gorgeous. As we were sitting by the lake
and enjoying the view, I saw a bunch of little boys playing. It made me sad that Colin and Nathan won’t
ever get to have that chance to hike with their mom, dad and uncle and throw
rocks in the lake or play with the snow that is covering parts of the
mountain. I miss my boys every second of
every day, but moments like this makes me miss them even more. So naturally, being me, I started to tear
up. We could tell there was a storm rolling
in so we decided to start heading back down.
Once I start crying, it’s hard to turn it off. I continued to tear up under my sunglasses
because I just kept thinking about the fact that they won’t ever get to have
these experiences with us. But as I was
walking over rock and bumpy terrain, when I would start to cry again, I just
thought to myself, “Think about not tripping on the rocks Kelly. Don’t think about the boys and think about
getting down the mountain safely.” I had
to keep telling myself to think about something else so I would stop
crying. It did work after a few minutes. About 10 min into the walk down, it started
to rain and hail on us so that took over my thoughts. I had to hustle and get out of this storm so
the chance of being struck my lighting was minimal. Although I missed my boys, I still had the
baby inside me to protect, so I needed to protect myself.
 |
| Kevin and I at Lake Isabelle |
Even though I was sad about the boys, I was happy that that
was baby #3’s first hike and hopefully not his/her last. When he/she gets older, then we can come back
to visit Uncle Jeff and do this hike again and he/she can throw rocks in the
lake or play in the snow. I am so
looking forward to those moments. I hope
all our future kids can have these types of experiences with their big brothers
watching over them, protecting them.
Aside from the adventures we had this trip, I have to be
honest and I was a little worried about baby.
I know this is a weird time in the pregnancy because I cant feel them
kick or move around, but I just have this strange feeling like the baby isn’t
growing as fast as it should. I feel
like I should be bigger and feel more pregnant. I would think I would bleed or something if
something was wrong, but I just feel like baby isn’t growing properly. I hope I am very wrong and just worrying too
much.
That’s another thing.
I will tell people my worries, and they tell me to stop worrying and
stressing over things. You go through
what I went through and tell me to go through this pregnancy with absolutely no
reservations. No one understands unless
you have been through what I went through.
I know they are just looking out for me, but please shut up and just let
me feel what I am feeling. A mothers
instinct can be right sometimes. What if
the baby wasn’t growing properly and I didn’t say anything. Then how would I feel? I don’t care what people say. If I want the Doctor to check something, I am
going to have them check something. It’s
my body and if I even think something could be wrong, I am going to check. I am not going to sit there and do nothing
just because I don’t want people to think I am a crazy worry wort.
But Kevin told me I looked very pregnant so that made me
feel better. He is a good husband and a
good father and will support me in what ever I am feeling. He wants me to have as much peace of mind as
possible so if I think something needs to be checked, then he will support me
in getting it checked. You gotta love
having a great husband by your side.
Saturday August 2, 2014
We have been in Park City, Utah for the second half of our
vacation for the past 4 days. It has
been so much fun here. I got to tell
that whole side of the family that Kevin and I are pregnant again and everyone
is absolutely thrilled for us. There
have been a few hard moments for me this part of the trip though.
On Thursday July 31st, my Uncle Rod had planned a
rafting trip for everyone. In the
emails, he made it sound like it was more like a lazy river than a white water
rafting trip so I figured I could do that.
I am not going to do anything to put this baby at risk so I needed to
everything in my motherly instinct power to do what is right. When we got there, the instructor was
explaining what to do if someone falls out of the raft and safety precautions
to take while on this ride. That is when
I started to get a little nervous. Why
would anyone fall out? It is just a calm
ride down a river, right? WRONG!
We arrive at the launching spot and there are definitely
rapids in the river and it is moving pretty fast. This is no lazy river. Apparently everyone has to be involved and
sit on the edge of the raft and row.
Here is when I really started to freak out. I was so worried that if I was sitting on the
edge of the raft, there is a possibility I could fall out and land on my stomach. I started to panic and tear up. My mom could tell I was nervous and told me I
didn’t have to do this. I didn’t want to
be a party pooper but I also didn’t want to put my baby in danger. Kevin reassured me that he would not let
anything happen to me, which I already knew but it was nice to hear him say
that. I really wanted strong guys in my
raft so I made sure I was in the raft with Kevin, my brother and my dad. Also in our raft was my cousin Wyatt, my Aunt
Elysa and my Uncle Mike. I calmed down and
they said I could just sit in the middle and not be close to the edge. I did just that.
We headed down to the water and got in the raft. My brother decided to start of in a single
raft by himself so that was one less man on our raft helping to row. We started off down the river and all was
pretty good. We did run into some bushes
on the side of the bank, which was kind of scary but it all was fine. I would not be as nervous as I was if I
wasn’t pregnant. I would have enjoyed
that a lot more but I am much happier than I am pregnant.
After a little while, Kevin decided to get off the raft and
get in a single too. So now it was just
my mom rowing, my Uncle Mike, my Aunt Elysa and my 11 year old cousin who isn’t
quite strong enough to do this. My dad
is in the back steering the raft. It got
a little choppy and those 4 combined were not in sync in the rowing. My mom is concerned about me so she is
distracted and my Aunt was concerned about Wyatt and my Dad needed all their
help so we would not run into the bushes again.
So finally, we just yelled at Kevin and Dan and told them we need at
least one of them in the raft to help.
They both ended up getting back in and things were much better at that
point.
All in all, the rafting trip was fun and I was glad I did
it. I started out a bit rocky and
stressful, but towards the end, we all pulled together as a family and got
through it fairly smoothly. And I didn’t
fall out of the boat and my baby is just fine.
I felt bad not helping because I don’t want them to think I am over
reacting or trying to get attention. I
legitimately am ONLY looking out for the well being of this child and I cannot
let anything happen to him/her.
 |
| Colin's Trail - Park City, Utah |
The rest of the trip was worry free in regards to protecting
my child. We did take a hike this
morning up a mountain, which ended up being Colin’s Trail. I thought that was pretty darn cool. That was fine and I did pretty well other
than being a little bit out of breath.
Later today we went to the Art festival in town. I had been on my feet a lot today and as we
were walking, I started to feel cramping.
I said that I needed to sit down for a little bit. I didn’t mind sitting down by myself while
every one walked around the festival, but they all decided to go with me and
find a spot. At this point it was just
our family: Dad, mom, Dan, Alicia, and Kevin.
We went to a distillery of Whiskey and sat in the dinning area. They ordered some drinks and we sat there for
a while. I was just worried my cervix
was shortening since it started to shorten with the boys after I had done a lot
of walking. Again, I was just being
cautious.
After the distillery, I decided I wanted to go back up to my
brother and Alicia’s hotel room and just sit while they spend more time at the
festival. So Kevin and took the bus back
up to their resort. We sat on their
patio that overlooked the mountain and ski runs. As I was sitting there, I just started to
cry. Looking at this scenery, wishing so
badly that we had our boys on this vacation.
Why aren’t they here with us? I
am never going to get to take pictures holding them with this beautiful
backdrop behind us. It wasn’t fair. I don’t know what really brought this on
because I had been doing so good. I
hadn’t broke down that hard in weeks. I
couldn’t stop. I tried because I knew
the rest of them would be back soon but I couldn’t. It just kept coming.
They came back and I tried to hide it for a bit but my mom
saw right through me. So I walked out of
the room and sat on the bench and continued to cry. I felt bad for Alicia. I didn’t want her to feel awkward around
me. I just couldn’t help it. I missed my boys so much. She was sweet enough to bring me some tissues
though. It hit me out of nowhere. Eventually I calmed down and we continued on
with our evening. Right here should
teach me to always carry my makeup with me no matter where I go. J
Our vacation is coming to an end and we leave to go back
home tomorrow. It has been a pretty
awesome trip even with all the little break-downs and stressful moments. No, my boys didn’t get to experience what
would have been their first vacation with us in person, but they were with us
the whole time and probably got to experience it in a whole new way. I know they are with Kevin and I wherever we
go and are watching over their little brother or sister always. Certain moments were hard for me, but that, I
feel, is to be expected of me. I think I
am doing pretty well considering everything I have been through and I know
Colin and Nathan are proud of their mom.
There will be many more vacations that we will take with our future
family and Colin and Nathan will always be there with us, enjoying every moment
and making sure their family is always safe.
 |
| 14 Weeks along |
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| 17 Weeks Along |
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