Thursday December 12, 2013 had arrived. I woke up with a smile on my face after
sleeping so well and ready to take on another day of great heart monitoring for
my boys. My nurse that day was
Katie. She was a real sweetheart. She had taken care of me one night before so
I had met her and she did a really good job so I was happy to have her back as
my nurse that day. She came in and
slipped the heart rate monitors back on my belly to begin our first one hour
session for the day. It, as always, took
a little bit of time to get the boys on the monitor and have them stay on the
monitor. Once she found Colin and
Nathan, she left and I was confident we were going to pass this one just like
we had passed the ones the day before.
As the clock ticked away, Kevin and I would glance over at
the monitors every now and then to see how they were doing. We both noticed that Nathan’s heart was not
as steady as it should be. I tried not
to get nervous because even though something could look bad in my eyes, the
Doctors are the ones that really know what they are looking for. The hour was just about done and Dr. DeFranco
came in and told us her findings from the monitoring. Dr. DeFranco was a MFM doctor and would be
the head doctor when Dr. Jaekle wasn’t there.
She said that Nathan’s heart was decelerating a bit more than they would
like so they wanted me to go get another ultra sound. We took the monitors off and in a matter of a
few minutes, the ultra sound tech was in my room with a wheelchair ready to
take me down to the US room. She wheels
me in and I crawl up on the chair and she begins to squirt my belly with the US
jelly for the millionth time.
I didn’t want to look.
I didn’t want to get myself worked up over something that I thought looked bad when it really might not be anything.
I tried not to look but I had to.
I could tell something was wrong.
Dr. DeFranco was in one of my ultra sounds a few days prior and
explained to us what she looks for on the Doppler’s in regards to blood flow so
I sort of had an idea of what I was looking for. When we got to Nathan’s heartbeat and pulled
up the Doppler wave, I automatically saw that there was absent blood flow in a
portion of the wave. That scared
me. The Tech sat there and watched
Nathan to see if he was ‘Practicing’ breathing.
At this gestational age, they are practicing to breathe inside the womb
and you can see their ribs expand and contract.
They are just starting to PRACTICE for the real world. They are not ‘ready’ for the real world.
As Kevin and I were in the US room, my mom got to the
hospital and brought Kevin some coffee.
He was sipping on that as we watched our babies on the screen for what
was going to be our last time seeing them on an Ultra sound. The tech wasn’t able to tell us anything that
she was finding. She had to talk to Dr.
DeFranco first. We were done. They wheeled me back into my room and in
walked Dr. DeFranco and Dr. Vasconti. She said that
Nathan’s heart was not getting the blood flow that he needed because of that
absent blood flow that we saw in the Doppler.
Nathan didn’t want to be inside his mommy any more. She said what we have been dreading to hear
all week long; “We have to deliver your babies in the next 2-3 hours!” If they didn’t take them now, they were going
to die inside me. I started crying
hysterically. I was only 24 weeks and 5
days. My babies weren’t ready! We are 15 weeks early!
Kevin hugged me and told me everything was going to be all
right. I was scared to death. I didn’t know what the next few hours and few
days were going to hold. I prayed so
hard for my babies to come out of this healthy but now, everything is in the
hands of the Doctors and Nurses.
My nurse Katie got right to work. They were going to put a Foley catheter in as
well as pump me full of Magnesium.
Magnesium is supposed to help with Colin and Nathan’s neuro function
since they were going to be born so prematurely. Katie said that the Magnesium would make me
feel very hot and very nauseous as if I had the flu. Nothing could make me feel worse than I
already did. I was petrified about my
babies being born this early.
As she pumped me with the magnesium, I only got a little
warm from the neck up. No nausea or
anything. Kevin said I was super
woman. Everything the Doctors said would
happen to me has not. The amniotic fluid
that leaked into my system after the ablation was supposed to make my shoulders
hurt. It did not. The magnesium was supposed to make me feel
like I had the flu. It did not.
It was time to go into the Operating room. Kevin was going to meet me in there after I
had my epidural. I hugged him and
started to cry. I told them that this is
a time when we should be taking pictures and be excited that our babies are
being born today. Instead we were crying
tears of sadness and fear instead of happiness and joy. This was not a happy moment. This wasn’t the right time. I should have 10-12 more weeks left with my
babies in my belly. I should have a much
bigger belly then I did. This was all
happening far too soon.
They wheeled me down the hall and into the O.R. I became quiet and still and I just went into
a daze. Once we were in the room, they
asked me to sit up so they could give me the epidural. I sat up and started to lean on Katie but her
mask hit her eye and cut her contact so she handed me off to Bridget. I buried my head in her shoulder as they
stuck my spine with the needle. I laid
back down on the table, they hung a sheet up so I couldn’t see what was going
on and then Kevin came in all garbed up in his scrubs. He sat to the left of me as he held my
hand. I couldn’t believe this was
happening.
I felt some tugging on my abdomen and then before you know
it, at 3:13 pm Colin Martin Kane was born: 1 lb 9.3 oz and 13 1/4 inches long. Within seconds I saw a nurse with Colin in
his arms and he showed him to me very quickly as he whisked Colin off to make
sure he was breathing. Seconds after
that, Nathan Daniel Kane was born at 3:13 pm.
He was 1 lb 2.5 oz and 12.6 inches long. They did the
same thing and showed him to me very briefly.
I could not believe how small my babies were.
Within a minute, my babies were born and I was left frightened
and worried about their livelihood. As
the doctors were sewing me up, they told me that both Colin and Nathan were
born in their Sacs. There is a wives
tale that states that babies that are born in their sacs are going to be
geniuses. Although a cool idea to think
about, I just wanted my babies healthy and alive. Geniuses or no geniuses, it didn’t matter to
me.
I remember lying there as they were closing me up and asking
Kevin if they circumcise boys at this gestational age. I have no idea why that was the only question
that came to my mind but it did. Minutes
later, once they got my babies on oxygen, they brought them both in to see
Kevin and I. First came Colin. They brought him really close to me but he
had so much equipment on his face that it was hard to tell what he looked
like. Then came in Nathan. They brought him so close to me that I got to
kiss him! I loved my babies so very
much. It was killing me that I couldn’t
spend time with them like a mom should do after her babies are born. Nothing about this entire experience is
normal and not what a first time pregnancy, or any pregnancy for that matter, should
be like.
I got wheeled into the recovery room and was greeted by my
Mom and Dad. We told them that the
C-Section went well and that Colin and Nathan were now permanent residents of
the NICU. Kevin was in the NICU visiting
his sons. He came back with pictures of
them. I couldn’t believe how tiny they
were but I was glad to know they were doing as good as they could have been. Katie got me all settled in the room and said
that I needed to start pumping right away.
So my parents stepped out and I pumped for the very first time. I didn’t get anything but that is
normal. After a little bit, the feeling
in my legs was coming back and I was able to move them.
After an hour of recovery, the nurses asked me if I wanted
to go see my babies. The answer was obviously
‘YES!’ They wheeled my entire bed into
the NICU. Colin and Nathan were in
different PODS so we went to see Colin first.
They were able to fit my bed on the side of his incubator and I could
see him. I was too far away since I was
lying down to touch him but it was nice to see him. Then they rolled me over to Nathan’s
POD. My bed wasn’t able to fit on either
side of Nathan’s incubator so I was not able to see him. Kevin took another picture and he showed it
to me. After my very short visit with my
newborn babies, they moved me into the Antepartum unit where I would spend the
duration of my time as an inpatient.
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| Nathan Just Born |
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| Nathan |
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| Colin Just Born |
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| Colin |
That evening, I spent my time in bed. Nothing hooked up to me, no wires hanging
out, no monitors to look at. I was
sad. I would have been hooked up to
monitors for 3 more months if I had too if that meant my babies were growing
inside me. The lactation consultants
came in to give me some pointers on pumping.
A mothers’ breast milk is the best medicine for a preemie so I knew that
this was something that I had to do. I
wouldn’t get much at first but even if I got a single drop, I was supposed to
suck it up with a syringe and run it down to the NICU. They could add it to the donor milk until I
produced enough for them. Every three
hours I would pump. I still didn’t get
anything that night.
In the middle of the night, we were visited three times by
NICU doctors. One time, it was because
Colin needed to be intubated and they needed our permission. The second time, it was Nathan that needed to
be intubated. The third time was to tell
us that while intubating Colin, they accidently cut his lip so they wanted to tell
us so we wouldn’t be surprised in the morning.
It had been such an emotional 24 hours. We had no idea what the next few days would
be like or even the next few weeks or months.
Cincinnati was now my permanent residence until the boys were ready to
come home with us to Columbus. I was not
going anywhere.
I don’t know if I am a bad mom for saying this but that day
was a very UN-Happy Birthday. Don’t get
me wrong, I am happy to be able to touch my babies but none of us wanted them
to join us in the real world this soon.
It’s definitely a moment that should be an amazing time in a family’s
life and it would have been if it were 3 months later, but now was not the
time. It was a Birthday that came far
too soon.
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