The start of the 2013 Holiday
season was about to begin with a routine ultra sound at our Maternal Fetal
Medicine Doctor at Riverside Hospital in Columbus, OH. It was the day before Thanksgiving and my
parents and my father-in-law were in town and were joining Kevin and I for the
first time to see their identical twin grandsons live on the ultra sound. We loved going to these. We were spoiled. We got to see our sweet boys every other week
and watch them grow. Singleton
pregnancies don’t get that luxury.
When we
first found out we were having identical twins back in August, my OBGYN
referred us to the Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctors because I was considered
high risk. Any twin pregnancy is high
risk, especially identical twins. August 29th was our first
appointment with the MFM Doctors. What the Doctor told us was that they watch
for Twin Twin Transfusion Syndrome or in laymen’s terms, Big Baby Little Baby
Syndrome. This is when the connections
between the two babies are distributing nutrients unevenly since they share the
same placenta. They told us that if this were to happen, they would send us
somewhere to get a laser procedure to fix the connections. To me, this didn’t sound like that big of a
deal at the time. They made it sound
like it was something very fixable and that babies usually end up fine after
it. Or at least that’s what I told
myself because that would never happen to us since Kevin’s mom was watching
over our babies and us.
Kevin’s mom
passed away in May and she always told us that we were going to have
twins. I always responded to her that I
just want one at a time. So a month
after she passed, these babies were conceived and I still believe that they
were given to us from her since she is the only one to ever say that we were
going to have twins. So knowing that, I
knew she would protect our baby boys through this pregnancy. Pregnancy had been a breeze up until this one
ultra sound. I was tired my first
trimester but I never had any nausea or anything. These boys made it super easy on their mom.
So this
‘routine’ ultra sound with our parents didn’t end up with the best of
news. Dr. Matt Mingione told us that we
were in the beginning stages of Twin Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). I took this news very well and had all the
confidence in the world that everything was going to be all right. Baby A, or Colin Martin as we had named him,
was head down on the right side of my belly and he had about 10 cm of amniotic
fluid around him whereas Baby B, or Nathan Daniel, was breech on my left side
with only 2 cm of fluid in his sac.
Kevin and my parents were looking at me making sure I was fine and I
was. How could something bad happen to
them when Kevin’s mom is their guardian angel?
Dr. Matt continued to explain what was going to happen. He wanted us to come back the day after
Thanksgiving just to make sure this didn’t progress rapidly in 2 days. He mentioned that there are two places that do
the laser procedure. One was CHOP
(Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia) or Cincinnati Children’s. He would send all the measurements he took
from the ultra sound to Cincinnati to see if I would even be a
candidate for the surgery. He told us to
go home, enjoy our Thanksgiving, and he would see us in two days.
I left the
hospital still confident that things were going to turn out fine. I had come straight from work so I drove home
alone. While in the car, the severity of
the situation hit me and I completely broke down. There was a possibility of loosing one baby
or both of them with this disease. I
cried all the way home and couldn’t even fathom the thought of that. What would
I do? What would Kevin and I do? How would I handle that? Kevin and I tried to get pregnant for a year
and we wanted these babies so bad. I
admit that I was scared when we found out we were having twins and I cried out
of fear. Then when we found out we were
having boys, I cried then because I really wanted girls. I didn’t think boys would like me much
because I’m not into sports and what not.
That would be the hormones making the best of me. After I got used to the fact that we are
having boys, I started getting excited and now the thought of not having either
of them home with me devastated me.
Once we got
home and everyone saw me crying, they hugged me and told me that everything
would be all right and that we would get through this. That night we all had tickets to a Blue
Jackets game so we went to that. That
night was the first time that Kevin felt one of his babies kick. Colin was kicking like crazy. I didn’t feel Nathan that much and now
knowing what I know, I got sad. He
didn’t have much room to move around whereas Colin had a big pool to swim
in. It broke my heart. Something so special as a baby kicking you
from inside and your husband feeling him for the first time had a touch of
sadness behind it.
The next
morning before we headed over to my parents place for Thanksgiving, I looked up
on CHOP’s website about TTTS. I started
crying uncontrollably because of the stories of fatality. I seriously couldn’t think of how this could
happen to us, and what my life would be like without these boys. Kevin saw me getting upset and shut my computer
so I wouldn’t get myself more worked up.
Once we got to my parents, I continued to cry. Throughout the day, that is what I did. I would cry, eat a little, and then cry some
more.
Kevin was
at work the next day so I picked him up to go to the ultra sound. I had my mom meet us there because she used
to be a nurse and always asks good questions.
Ultra sounds used to be fun and exciting. This ultra sound, my smile and happiness
turned into tears and worry. All I could
think of when we were looking at Colin’s heartbeat was how much harder it is
working with all that extra blood and fluid pumping through it. And when we were looking at Nathan, all I
could think of was that he was being restricted and basically becoming shrink
wrapped in his own sac. My babies were
suffering inside me and there was nothing I could do about it. You feel so helpless as a mom. A mother’s job is to protect them and take
care of them and I couldn’t do anything to make this disease go away.
Dr. Matt
told us that things looked about the same as they did on Wednesday. He wasn’t sure if I would be a true candidate
for the laser procedure. In some cases,
this disease doesn’t progress pass stage one so he would hate for us to fly all
the way to Philadelphia if we didn’t need it.
He normally recommends CHOP for the laser but since he wasn’t sure, he
would send us to Cincinnati for the evaluation and if we were a candidate, then
Kevin and I could choose whether or not we wanted to do the laser there or fly
to Philadelphia.
A nurse
coordinator from the Maternal Fetal Medicine department at Cincinnati
Children’s Hospital contacted me later that day and told me that they would
schedule the evaluation for the following Tuesday, December 3rd and
if we did need the surgery we could do it the following day. So Kevin and I planned on leaving that Monday
night so we could be in town for the appointments the next day. But we still had that weekend to get
through. Dr. Matt did not put me on bed
rest but Kevin did. He made sure I
didn’t do much so he put up all the Christmas decorations while I sat on the
couch and directed him.
I went to
work that Monday but I could not focus.
I kept crying thinking of what could possibly happen in the days to
come. That night Kevin and I left around
8 pm to head down to Cincinnati. I had
no idea what was in store for us.
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